Random Thoughts

Acceptance, Self Love & Healing The Past

I feel like I have already learned this lesson, but it is interesting how life moves and new cycles begin, I often seem to encounter the same lesson but integrate it on a deeper level the next time it comes up for review in my reality.  It is one thing to learn a concept and understand it on the surface level, but to truly surrender and heed what certain lessons are trying to teach you, is a different ball game.

Today’s lesson was acceptance of what is. 

Acceptance of my current reality. Acceptance of the past.

Acceptance of my self, flaws and all. 

I lost this lesson after certain parts of my life changed and I experienced the great wheel of life turning, and I realized that I had been fighting against of lot of things, on mostly a subconscious level.  I was forcing my will and trying to trump divine timing by starting something new, when the old was still being released and healed.

I forgot to accept myself fully and come from a place of self love on my never ending self mastery journey – especially after the holidays where I got slightly off track with my nutrition and exercise regimen.

I realized I was masking some of the pain I had inside, from a previous relationship that never materialized into what I imagined it to be, I wasn’t letting that wound heal.  I was numbing the pain but not treating myself as nicely as I have learned to do – and was doing over the summer –  I was covering it with band aids and telling myself I was fine and over it.  The truth is that the pain runs deep, and I need to take more of a time out to close that cycle, and heal that wound, with my intent, attention, focus and love.  I was pushing myself too hard.

Love is one of the most divine energies that we can experience, and I was spreading it everywhere except to myself.  I was doing such a good job, then that relationship cycle ended, and I was continuously jumping over that trip wire of healing that was trying to knock me down completely, so I could lay there on the ground, at rock bottom, and rest my weary bones, and let the pain seep back into the earth and up to the heavens, and let the light back into myself.  I wasn’t letting that happen.  Because I didn’t want to admit the defeat.

But I now realize that I have been defeated for the past six months.  I have been limping along, running on 3 cylinders, delusional in the fact that I was ok.  Now, I am letting myself feel this pain, for what it is.  It is ok to be really hurt. and to be really vulnerable. and to admit failure, and extreme heart break.  I know I am okay and that life goes on, but I never let myself admit that I WASN’T ok for a while. So, I admit it.  I was/am truly broken by the ending of that karmic cycle.  I embrace my hurt, damaged, weak, vulnerable, bleeding self…and kiss all of my wounds and love them tenderly back into wholeness.  I honor my pain, my grief, my regret, and I feel it fully.  

Only now, are the pieces beginning to fall into place…the map forward beginning to form into a tangible step by step journey into something new.  Before it was all jumbled and blocked from my minds eye because I wasn’t integrating the healing lesson.

only now am I understanding that the path towards new love, still begins with unconditional love for my self.  and unconditional self love is deep and requires a lot of time and effort, and I must let myself heal now…img_1883

Daily Tarot

Shine Your Light

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The message from the ‘Stand in the Light’ card is essentially – embrace your uniqueness – do not be afraid to stand apart from the crowd, and don’t mold and shape yourself to fit into another persons perception of reality to appease them.  

“Allow yourself to be true to who you are.  Do not try to hide your inner light and beauty.  You are meant to be seen…

Don’t avoid the spotlight or try to hide yourself nor dull your light to appease another or your own fears. 

Your true inner divine light and beauty is meant to help others. and the only way that can occur is if you allow yourself to fully be and express it…”

This message hit me hard because just yesterday I put a link to this blog into my Instagram profile, then removed it a while later because I was worried my ‘friends’ wouldn’t really understand my spiritual ramblings. 

This card is making me realize though, I am not here to worry about the people who don’t understand me, because my spirituality and everything I have learned on the (never ending) road to Self Mastery…

– which entailed a very long journey through darkness and the underworld of not valuing myself properly and making questionable life decisions –

is meant to be shared with others, to help them live up to their highest potential…or at least inspiring them to value their existence more, so more joy and light can be experienced.

So, here I am, standing in my own light and letting it shine forth, and not worrying about those who don’t understand it, because if I only reach one person and inspire them to open up and dig deep within themselves to find their true power and magnificence, then my work is complete for the day.

The other cards I received for this blog post support the art of manifesting your best life.  Looking inside of yourself to see where you could have (chakra) blockages that are holding you back from pursuing your dreams – career, love life, home life, spiritual life, anything you desire.   

Is fear holding you back? Is self doubt or lack of self worth holding you stuck in a bad relationship or a job that you do not love?  Where are you selling yourself short?  Do you have turmoil, anxiety, worry or other lower energies trapped inside of you?  We are here to live in a state of internal peace…the stress that invades human bodies creates disease…learning to rise above those self imposed worries and stresses, and practicing self care, bring back youthfulness and vitality into your human vessel!   We aren’t here to suffer endlessly…God does not want that for us.

The Nine of Cups card in the tarot is all about having your wishes fulfilled…the Magician card is about manifesting all that you desire!  You have the tools within you to do this, sometimes we just need to clear away all the dross that we have collected on our Earth walk thus far. 

the Ace of Wands is a card that represents being Inspired…Inspired literally means being full of spirit – remember that your connection to the spiritual, regardless of if you were raised with a religion or not – is a big part of manifesting and fulfilling all of your wishes.  Us humans are supported, you can ask (pray) for help or guidance, or just remembering to be grateful for this opportunity to experience the pain and pleasures of being human, is a good start {essentially, get over your EGO}.

We are here to experience true love, abundance, togetherness, community – helping and being there for each other, and protecting and honoring Mother Earth, learning, exploring, raising and guiding children and befriending those who may be lost or alone.  It isn’t about who has more of this or that, separatism and comparison will drive you mad. Don’t do that.

Start by doing what brings you joy and makes you feel light, not heavy.  As adults we always forget to play!  It is so important to maintain that light side when life feels heavy and monotonous.  Rise above the arguments or petty disagreements you may have with your loved ones, and you will be amazed at what bigger and better life experiences you can and will experience together.

it’s all about love and listening to your heart – don’t let your monkey mind rule the show – it is useful for logical matters but you get the best results when you temper your mind with your heart wisdom…

Happy manifesting!

Love & Light,

G

 

 

 

Daily Tarot

New Beginnings

 

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As we move through the month of October and into Scorpio season, it is a time to shed the old and make room for the new.  The changing of the seasons (it is Fall here in the Northern Hemisphere) signifies a cycle of death, a time to pause and reflect on what you want to manifest and birth in the Spring, and honor all of your experiences, people, things, etc. that no longer serve you…and release them out of your life and energy field.

It is important to honor and be grateful for what you want to release – because surely all of it taught you valuable lessons, paved new roads, opened your awareness to new levels, and made you into the person you are now.  Especially the hard lessons, the dark people that may have hurt you, or the habits that were self harming…everything has its season.

A big part of becoming spiritually awakened and healing/becoming whole is journeying into the underworld and into darkness…otherwise you wouldn’t understand the contrast of all that is light.  To be balanced individuals, we must embrace our shadow side and appreciate it for what it has taught you.  Once you acknowledge it and learn to channel it into good and positive energy, it no longer has power over you and can no longer push your life into chaos or run you ragged.

Scorpio season is all about sexuality, birth, life/death…it is a very deep period.  Take this time to face your shadow side and release all those toxic ties that are weighing you down in life.  Or, meet your shadow to see how you can use that life force energy to propel the positive traits and positive things in your life.   

Here’s to new beginnings and releasing all that no longer serves you.  It won’t be easy, but nothing that is worth it ever is.

Love & Light,

G